Never let it be said that theBoroWalk shies away from a challenge though and, thanks to those evening classes on 'polishing turds', we plough into the detail like Nic "clintons" Ciardini at an 'all-you-can-eat' kebab van.
There wasn't too much of note as the team sheet arrived at theBoroWalk towers. John "tiny dancer" Oyenuga continued his stretch on 'the Judy' as Jack "Mischa" Barton extended his run of starts as coal man in the engine room. No Sam "Ali" Shaban in the squad though, it transpired he'd gone for a trial in wrestlemania... or some other country, I forget. Good luck to the lad.
Some #FakeNews reverberating from the changing rooms suggested that the Aylesberet management had chosen to utilise our prematch prose score prediction to fire up his visiting moles to the slaughter. Clearly not regular readers then!!!! We go on record as saying how very flattered we are and, if you need us to do your job for you in future matches, just drop us a DM on twitter 😉
Great to see a pack of mascots taking to the field with their big yellow heroes by the way. Hope to see much more of this going forward.
Kick off crept up on us like Eddie "Gillette" Smith at the clinic.
Cagey first couple of minutes from Boro as Sam "Fogle" Pearce and Josh "the Salmon" Huggins were caught cold rehearsing their double act rendition of the can-can. This allowed one of the Moles to get to the bisexual-line and cross dress his balls into our box. Thankfully cap'n CJ "Pammy" Fearn was on hand to despatch the ball into orbit and away from danger.
Some interchanges neater then "Reggie" Emmerson's wig collection from the visitors and, as we'd anticipated, their league position wasn't giving a true reflection of the a la carte menu they were dishing up. This was a team clearly transitioning like a politically correct minefield. That said, the early signs suggested that, for all their new manager's contacts in the transfer market, deals on specsavers contacts were clearly less fruitful. The PRE would get more smashed then Boro Ass.Man. JR on the Fosters top.
That said, "Gillette" Smith looked like he had the taste for it and ghosted past the visiting right back like Perry "the Hoffen" Coles queue jumping at a So Solid Crew reunion.
A long throw, twice flicked on by Aylesburians almost presented the first goal to "Gillette" but he had it nicked off his toes just as he was winding up to deliver the ballbag buster. Thankfully we didn't have much longer to wait to feel some respite from Jack Frosty bollocks.
On 25 mins "Clintons" drifted in a beauty of a corner ball into the crowded area and, through a combination of the ballbag protector and Curtis "Mayfield" Osano's throbbing head, the ball fell at the feet of "Gillette" who struck with razor sharp precision into the mach of the net. Those who's joints hadn't frozen solid jumped to the heavens in ecstasy as the almighty yellows were up and running again. 1-0
Unfortunately a goal didn't become the spark to ignite the half into a rip snorting petrol fire and ultimately it petered out like a soggy indoor firework. Granted there was still time for the visitors to get more target practise in on the PRE. Evidently they hadn't done their research on how much that cost us! How bloody rude!! Also special mention to cap'n Ceej for another of his trademark "throw your entire soul at it" blocks, right on the stroke of half time.
HT 1-0
One change at HT as Dennis "the Fire Engine" Oli was pulled off for "Tiny Dancer". Dennis was struggling with illness... a monumentally tough ask in that condition, so fair play. Back to 4-4-2.
We started reasonably brightly in the 2nd half as the players felt the warmth of the PRE drawing them in like "Mischa" Barton and an e-mail entitled "free tickets to BBC Question Time".
The footy was less tiki-taka and more jiggery pokery as a nondescript Boro venture ended up in a comedy attempted clearance by one of the defenders and "Gillette" summoned his inner Van Basten as he hooked a sumptuous 20 yard volley leaving the ballbag man smelling of roadkill. Unfortunately for the Boro faithful, the protectors blushes were saved like a super-injunction as the bar of cross came to the rescue. Sublime effort, deserved more!
"Clintons" had a sight of goal after a good move down the left, unfortunately though his right peg effort had more lethal snatch then Ashley Sestanovich.
The Aylesbeanos continued to make chances and then waste them like a wild western gun-slinger with cataracts.
"Fogle" was booked for a modified body slam. Someone probably should have told him you're supposed to get the bumps on your birthday, not dish them out. "Mishca" also went in the book for something, I can't remember what though as by that point it was so cold I wanted to chop my own genitalia off and wave it around my head so I could generate heat and make a joke about "the ice man cometh".
"Gillette" picked up his customary knock and was replaced by "the Goat", to the absolute delight of his merry band of little green men.
FT 1-0
theBoroWalk motm - "Mischa" Barton. Our defensive unit was more solid then a Pat Cox transfer saga.
I cannot stress how abysmal that second half was. I mean, if it was a movie it would have been Waterworld. A frozen Waterworld. Is there a movie called Ice World? Spice World... I've never seen it but that had to be terrible didn't it? It was Jar Jar Binks, in Spice World, directed by Nigel Farage.
But yes, 3 points...
ONWARDS!
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